Quotes by American Comedian Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy. Joan Rivers

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. Joan Rivers

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. Joan Rivers

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. Joan Rivers

Can we talk? Joan Rivers

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers
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Never floss with a stranger. Joan Rivers
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Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. Joan Rivers

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress. Joan Rivers

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'. Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. Joan Rivers

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. Joan Rivers
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven. Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. Joan Rivers


Joan Rivers's favourite quotes topics
FunnySexBirthHouseworkTaylor

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