Quotes by American Comedian Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers. Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright

I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it. Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. Steven Wright

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. Steven Wright

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright

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