The two party system just means that the corporations cut two checks instead of one.

— Barry Crimmins

The most killer Barry Crimmins quotes that are new and everybody is talking about

We have a presidential election coming up.

And I think the big problem, of course, is that someone will win.


Marijuana is a very dangerous drug. Some people smoke it just once and go directly into politics.


A lot of us [comedians] are drawn to the stage or show business or whatever because we didn't feel so great about ourselves, and we didn't know how to do anything about that, so we sought external approval.


You can't hate anybody till you hate yourself and you can't love anybody till you love yourself.