1. 10

    I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish.

    5
  2. 9

    Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

    6
  3. 8

    Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.

    14
  4. 7

    I've always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That's why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

    14
  5. 6

    Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

    20
  6. 5

    In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

    21
  7. 4

    For almost 40 years, he was the brightest star in the comedy galaxy... Their beautiful light will continue to shine on us forever. And the glow will be so bright, it'll warm your heart, it'll make your eyes glisten, and it'll make you think to yourselves: Robin Williams, what a concept.

    25
  8. 3

    My granddaughter's birth has made me want to create things she will love.

    32
  9. 2

    Change is such hard work.

    49
  10. 1

    Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

    176
  11. Last Update: 6 February 2023

View the rest 74 Billy Crystal sayings