Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

— Bo Burnham

The most genuine Bo Burnham quotes that are guaranted to improve your brain

What's important is that you stay true to yourself.

Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

163

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

153

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do.

You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

143

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

139

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

120

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

110

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

110

People do complain about the way I act on stage.

.. They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

84

Where are all the sour patch parents?

84

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

75

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

68

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

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About Bo Burnham

Quotes 123 sayings
Profession Comedian
Birthday August 21, 1990

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form.

Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

44

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

40

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

36

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

36

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

35

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

33

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

23

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

22

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

20

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

19

My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I'm going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.

18

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

17

I think the love-hate is fundamental.

Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

17

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

16

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

14

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

14

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

14

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

14

My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It's more like a character that's sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.

13

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

12

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

11

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

11

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

10

I've found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.

8

Humour is often linked to shared experience.

Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

8

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

7

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

7

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

6

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

5

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up.

When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

5

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

5

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

5

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

4

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

4

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

4

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

4

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

4
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