1. 10

    Where are all the sour patch parents?

  2. 9

    People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

  3. 8

    Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

  4. 7

    Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

  5. 6

    How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

  6. 5

    I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

  7. 4

    I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

  8. 3

    Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

  9. 2

    What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  10. 1

    Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

  11. Last Update: 18 October 2021

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