1. 10

    The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

  2. 9

    What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

  3. 8

    I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

  4. 7

    I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

  5. 6

    The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

  6. 5

    People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

  7. 4

    I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.

  8. 3

    Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.

  9. 2

    We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

  10. 1

    I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

  11. Last Update: 17 October 2021

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