1. 10

    I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

  2. 9

    Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

  3. 8

    On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

  4. 7

    In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

  5. 6

    My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

  6. 5

    They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

  7. 4

    Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

  8. 3

    As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

  9. 2

    What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

  10. 1

    Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

  11. Last Update: 6 February 2023

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