I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

— Joe Bob Briggs

The most massive Joe Bob Briggs quotes that are proven to give you inner joy

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

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Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

41

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

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If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence.

If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

10

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

6

It's not a crime to get drunk.

4

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

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As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

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The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

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In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us.

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The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our idea of ourselves. They uplift the human spirit. That's why horror films never even get nominated.

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The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people.

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About Joe Bob Briggs

Quotes 23 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Critic
Birthday October 16

SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD: Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary.

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I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on.

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In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

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There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

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You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

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Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

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Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in

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They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead.

The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel those people in from Palm Springs and hook up their IVs and they vote. The people that go to movies are under the age of 28, for the most part, so there's this total disconnect between what the Academy thinks is a great movie and what the audience actually wants to see.

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I love Martin Scorsese, but there's another indication of what The Oscars are all about. They've ignored Martin Scorsese for going on 35 years now, and I wouldn't be surprised if they passed him over again. He'll get one of The Oscars they give you at the end of your life because they feel guilty for never giving you an Oscar.

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Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

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