1. 10

    A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

    28
  2. 9

    You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

    32
  3. 8

    I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

    49
  4. 7

    You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

    49
  5. 6

    Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

    51
  6. 5

    Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

    52
  7. 4

    America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

    56
  8. 3

    Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

    66
  9. 2

    Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

    74
  10. 1

    Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

    159
  11. Last Update: 28 January 2023

View the rest 117 Matt Groening sayings