1. 10

    A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

  2. 9

    You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

  3. 8

    I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

  4. 7

    You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

  5. 6

    Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

  6. 5

    Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

  7. 4

    America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

  8. 3

    Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

  9. 2

    Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

  10. 1

    Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  11. Last Update: 28 January 2023

View the rest 117 Matt Groening sayings