1. 10

    I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

    76
  2. 9

    I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

    79
  3. 8

    I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

    82
  4. 7

    My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

    82
  5. 6

    I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

    84
  6. 5

    When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

    88
  7. 4

    If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

    91
  8. 3

    I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

    110
  9. 2

    I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

    117
  10. 1

    My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

    559
  11. Last Update: 8 February 2023

View the rest 365 Rodney Dangerfield sayings