1. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

    117
  2. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

    76
  3. I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

    61
  4. My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

    37
  5. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

    28
  6. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

    21
  7. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

    18
  8. I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.

    18
  9. Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

    17
  10. My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

    16

The complete list of 365 Rodney Dangerfield sayings