1. 10

    Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

    34
  2. 9

    How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

    34
  3. 8

    If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

    40
  4. 7

    Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

    42
  5. 6

    It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

    43
  6. 5

    I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!

    43
  7. 4

    I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

    47
  8. 3

    There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

    57
  9. 2

    I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

    61
  10. 1

    I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

    89
  11. Last Update: 8 February 2023

View the rest 41 Sam Kinison sayings