What are the TOP 10 funny quotes by Steven Wright?

  1. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  2. What's another word for Thesaurus?

  3. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  4. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

  5. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

  6. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

  7. What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

  8. I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

  9. When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

  10. When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.

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