comedian Quotes
Quotations from famous comedians
Introduction
What are some quotes from comedian? What are the best comedian quotes? Only quotes from comedians are available below. They proudly represent comedian nature and its wisdom through ages. Access the best quotes sorted by user likes.
Go to table of contents
Best comedians
Who has comedian quotes? 60 George Carlin comedian quotes,
112 Josh Billings comedian quotes,
102 Groucho Marx comedian quotes,
15 Robin Williams comedian quotes,
sayings and images.
Go to table of contents
Top comedian quotes
Which are the best comedian quotes? Access top quotes of all time.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin, comedian
I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
Robin Williams, comedian
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke.
George Carlin, comedian
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle, comedian
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin, comedian
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
Bill Cosby, comedian
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
Robin Williams, comedian
I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.
Jim Carrey, comedian
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx, comedian
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Kevin James, comedian
Think of a person of average intelligence, and then realise half of the fucking country is more stupid than that idiot.
George Carlin, comedian
I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven't.
Lucille Ball, comedian
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. Your really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Lucille Ball, comedian
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg, comedian
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx, comedian
The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.
Ring Lardner, comedian
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin, comedian
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin, comedian
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
James Thurber, comedian
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers, comedian
I have always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
Bob Hope, comedian
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen, comedian
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright, comedian
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Jerry Seinfeld, comedian
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin, comedian
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
Josh Billings, comedian
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke, comedian
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
Bill Maher, comedian
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin, comedian
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright, comedian
It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?
Jim Carrey, comedian
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
George Burns, comedian
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby, comedian
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner, comedian
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
Josh Billings, comedian
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers, comedian
My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.
Jim Carrey, comedian
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
Bill Cosby, comedian
Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
Josh Billings, comedian
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
Demetri Martin, comedian
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.
Josh Billings, comedian
Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis, comedian
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld, comedian
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields, comedian
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright, comedian
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis, comedian
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
George Carlin, comedian
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin, comedian
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield, comedian
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
George Burns, comedian
Conclusion
Can I save comedian quotes? Bookmark any comedian quotation so we can rank them better. We count how many bookmarks every quote has and every bookmark increase its rankings. Top sayings are featured in our daily motivational quote app. Quotlr iOS app is available for free download from App Store.
How do you quote comedian quotations? You are free to cite every quote from comedian author found on Quotlr. Hit the share button to get sharing options for Facebook, Twitter or direct link for email.
Go to table of contents
_(cropped).jpg)
