1. I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

    Woody Allen
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  2. A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

    Woody Allen
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  3. It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

    Woody Allen
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  4. To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

    Woody Allen
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  5. I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

    Woody Allen
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  6. Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.

    Woody Allen
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  7. Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday

    Woody Allen
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  8. I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

    Woody Allen
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  9. I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

    Woody Allen
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  10. More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

    Woody Allen
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