1. I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

  2. I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.

  3. I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  4. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

  5. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

  6. I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

  7. The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

  8. Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

  9. Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

  10. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?


The complete list of 822 Woody Allen sayings