1. I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

    Woody Allen
    42
  2. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

    Woody Allen
    17
  3. My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

    Woody Allen
    14
  4. Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

    Woody Allen
    5
  5. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

    Woody Allen
    4
  6. Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

    Woody Allen
    4
  7. I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

    Woody Allen
    1
  8. Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

    Woody Allen
    1
  9. Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

    Woody Allen
    0
  10. I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

    Woody Allen
    0
  11. There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know; and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

    Woody Allen
    0
  12. I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

    Woody Allen
    0

View the rest 122 Woody Allen sayings