Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

The English are polite by telling lies. The Americans are polite by telling the truth.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

Every immigrant who comes here should be required within five years to learn English or leave the country.

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The English never draw a line without blurring it.

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.

I've always said that I learned the English I know through two sources -- Marvel Comics and Finnegans Wake.

Those who prefer their English sloppy have only themselves to thank if the advertisement writer uses his mastery of vocabulary and syntax to mislead their weak minds.

The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door.

English culture is basically homosexual in the sense that the men only really care about other men.

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

One should not be too severe on English novels;

they are the only relaxation of the intellectually unemployed.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Check Enclosed.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.

The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.

How I like the boldness of the English, how I like the people who say what they think!

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I think my prose reads as if English were my second language.

By the time I get to the end of a paragraph, I'm dodging bullets and gasping for breath.

Whoever wishes to attain an English style, familiar but not coarse, and elegant but not ostentatious, must give his days and nights to the volumes of Addison.

The English language is nobody's special property.

It is the property of the imagination: it is the property of the language itself.

I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world.

The English are predisposed to pride, the French to vanity.

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands.

.. but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

The American struggle for the vote was much more difficult than the English for the simple reason that it was much more easy.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfect man.

American is a very difficult language mixed with English.

I tell you Wellington is a bad general, the English are bad soldiers;

we will settle this matter by lunch time.

A writer and nothing else; a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right.

Clearly spoken, Mr. Fogg; you explain English by Greek.

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent, and is modest about it.

A man who lives with nature is used to violence and is companionable with death.

There is more violence in an English hedgerow than in the meanest streets of a great city.

Summer afternoon -- summer afternoon;

to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.

I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.

The English have all the material requisites for the revolution.

What they lack is the spirit of generalization and revolutionary ardour.

The English may not always be the best writers in the world, but they are incomparably the best dull writers.

English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did.

I am just like 99% of my friends in France, who say on their resume they can speak fluent English. In reality, they can't even count up to three.

I'm English. Our dentistry is not world famous.

What I appreciated was the fact that the script delved into how Australians were - and still are - condescended to by the English.

I'm not the least bit polished, I come from a blue collar background and I never thought I could feel comfortable around the English.

Find a priest who understands English and doesn't look like Rasputin.

Socialism is the same as Communism, only better English.

Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.