Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

You can have money piled to the ceiling but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing.

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And whoever walks a furlong without sympathy walks to his own funeral drest in his shroud.

When a nation's young men are conservative, its funeral bell is already rung.

A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

The chief mourner does not always attend the funeral.

There is little much beyond the grave, but the strong are saying nothing until they see.

The only reason I might go to the funeral is to make absolutely sure that he's dead.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

What men prize most is a privilege, even if it be that of chief mourner at a funeral.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic;

in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

A tomb now suffices him for whom the whole world was not sufficient.

Funeral Blues

Tombs are the clothes of the dead and a grave is a plain suit;

while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.

Funeral pomp is more for the vanity of the living than for the honor of the dead.

Under the wide and starry sky,

Some people never head a procession until they're dead.

Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning;

for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men.

Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

When it comes to death, we know that laughter and tears are pretty much the same thing. And so, laughing and crying, we said good-bye to my grandmother. And when we said goodbye to one grandmother, we said good-bye to all of them. Each funeral was a funeral for all of us. We lived and died together. All of us laughed when they lowered my grandmother into the ground. And all of us laughed when they covered her with dirt. And all of us laughed as we walked and drove and rode our way back to our lonely, lonely houses.

We make mistakes, we have our faults, and God knows some of us have more than our share, but when danger threatens and duty calls, we go smiling to our own funeral.

Hardly a book of human worth, be it heaven's own secret, is honestly placed before the reader; it is either shunned, given a Periclean funeral oration in a hundred and fifty words, or interred in the potter's field of the newspapers back pages.

He would have liked his own funeral if he could have seen it.

It was small and quiet, and really not at all pompous, as Michael had feared it might be. 'The dead,' he had said once, 'need nothing from the living, and the living can give nothing to the dead.' At 22, it had sounded precocious; at 34, it sounded mature, and this pleased Michael very much. Essentially a romantic, he had put away the trappings of romance, although he had loved them deeply and never known.

A man's death makes everything certain about him.

Of course, secrets may die with him. And of course, a hundred years later somebody looking through some papers may discover a fact which throws a totally different light on his life and of which all the people who attended his funeral were ignorant. Death changes the facts qualitatively but not quantitatively. One does not know more facts about a man because he is dead. But what one already knows hardens and becomes definite. We cannot hope for ambiguities to be clarified, we cannot hope for further change, we cannot hope for more. We are now the protagonists and we have to make up our minds.

Not by lamentations and mournful chants ought we to celebrate the funeral of a good man, but by hymns, for in ceasing to be numbered with mortals he enters upon the heritage of a diviner life.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

The house appointed for all the living.

As grand and griefless as a rich man's funeral.

Worldly faces never look so worldly as at a funeral.

They have the same effect of grating incongruity as the sound of a coarse voice breaking the solemn silence of night.

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set.

On a day of burial there is no perspective -- for space itself is annihilated.

Your dead friend is still a fragmentary being. The day you bury him is a day of chores and crowds, of hands false or true to be shaken, of the immediate cares of mourning. The dead friend will not really die until tomorrow, when silence is round you again. Then he will show himself complete, as he was -- to tear himself away, as he was, from the substantial you. Only then will you cry out because of him who is leaving and whom you cannot detain.

Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.

I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it. About a politician who had recently died

He who comes for the inheritance is often made to pay for the funeral.

If you want to really know what your friends and family think of you die broke, and then see who shows up for the funeral.

More knowledge may be gained of a man's real character by a short conversation with one of his servants than from a formal and studied narrative, begun with his pedigree and ended with his funeral.

Visit the Navy-Yard, and behold a marine, such a man as an American government can make, or such as it can make a man with its black arts -- a mere shadow and reminiscence of humanity, a man laid out alive and standing, and already, as one may say, buried under arms with funeral accompaniments.

Joy and grief are never far apart. In the same street the shutters of one house are closed while the curtains of the next are brushed by the shadows of the dance. A wedding party returns from the church; and a funeral winds to its door. The smiles and

A funeral is not death, any more than baptism is birth or marriage union.

All three are the clumsy devices, coming now too late, now too early, by which Society would register the quick motions of man.

Inheritance taxes are so high that the happiest mourner at a rich man's funeral is usually Uncle Sam.

The test of your worldview is not how you act in the good times.

The test of your worldview is how you act at the funeral. Having been through literally hundreds if not thousands of funerals: ... It makes a difference what you believe.

Rome - the city of visible history, where the past of a whole hemisphere seems moving in funeral procession with strange ancestral images and trophies gathered from afar.

The formal Washington dinner party has all the spontaneity of a Japanese imperial funeral.

If we have another 2,000 people killed, I want Nancy Pelosi and George Soros, John Conyers and Pat Leahy to go to the funeral and say, 'Your son was vaporized because we didn't want to dump some guy's head under water for 30 seconds.'

People are scared to make something that doesn't look like another film that made a lot of money. It means we get 'Four Weddings And A Funeral' made again and again.