Black Humor Quotes

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

You can't slit the throat of everyone whose character it would improve.

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue.

Say what you want about the deaf.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

Just tell the truth, and they'll accuse you of writing black humor.

You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.

You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.

Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt...people.

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool.

Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

There are so many things to talk about between black people, Hispanic people, white people, gay people, men, women, it's all based on fear. We all have fears, this thing that stops us from embracing as we are one. We are never going to be one. People are messed up, but humor lets us see how ignorant we can be.

It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men.

I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did.

Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby.

"Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

When in doubt, blow something up.

I'd like to do a reality show with four white people.

..who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

I go "I just want a cup of black coffee.

" She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.

The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

I get that racism exists, but it's not a catalyst for my content.

I don't need to talk about race to have material. My style of comedy is more self-deprecating. I think that makes me more relatable. When you deal with 'topics' - race, white versus black - you're not separating from the pack. You're doing what everybody else is doing.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous.

But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I found my personal style in black humor and mixing funny things with very touching ones - like trying to force people to cry and smile almost at the same moment.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.