quote by Chelsea Handler

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.

— Chelsea Handler

Colossal Blow Job quotations

Blow job quote In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.

In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.

In Southern West Virginia we live in a war zone.

Three and one-half million pounds of explosives are being used every day to blow up the mountains. Blasting our communities, blasting our homes, poisoning us, trying to intimidate us. I don't mind being poor. I mind being blasted and poisoned. There ARE no jobs on a dead planet.

The master of ceremonies asked people to say what they thought the function of the novel might be in modern society, and one critic said, “To provide touches of color in rooms with all-white walls.” Another one said, “To describe blow-jobs artistically.

Blow job quote Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when y

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.

I haven't had sex in two and a half years.

A guy I met in San Francisco gave me a sympathy blow job. It didn't really work. I said, "You're just doing this 'cause you feel sorry for me." We stopped in the middle.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.

Blow job quote Jobs fill your pocket, adventures fill your soul.

Jobs fill your pocket, adventures fill your soul.

31

My mind leaps to my theory about presidents - that there are two kinds, ones who have a lot of sex and the others who start wars. In short - and don't quote me, because this is an incomplete expression of a more complex premise - I believe blow jobs prevent war.

All I did from day-to-day is coach. That's what my job was, that's what my passion was, and the fact that now it's something I'm being considered for is just mind-blowing to me, that I would ever be in that kind of company.

Blow jobs are okay, but kissing clients is still a taboo.

Blow job quote No matter how good you are, you can always be replaced.

No matter how good you are, you can always be replaced.

There was never any question about Scholesy's quality as a footballer.

He was known as the little ginger magician in the youth team. Some reckon he's the best United player of the modern era, and there's a case for saying that. You don't hear him blowing his own trumpet, though - he just gets on with his job. He's the real deal.

For sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose .

.. watching the greatest sunset. Hearing children laugh.

Without in any way minimising the economic and psychological blow that people experience when they lose their jobs, the unemployed in affluent countries still have a safety net, in the form of social security payments, and usually free healthcare and free education for their children. They also have sanitation and safe drinking water.

Blow job quote When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmill

When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants

When I was meeting people in L.A., guys always thought if they paid for dinner, they deserved a blow job. But generally, I'll say this - and I'll say it proudly - I can't sleep with someone if I don't have a connection with them.

... tobacco kills 52,000 people a year from lung cancer, and there's no telling how many lives have been ruined through drinking.But to my knowledge, no one has ever died of a blow job.

Blow job quote Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

Never give up your day job. I do all sorts of things, but at the end of the day, it all boils down to The Today Show, and I love doing this thing, and they will have to blow me out of here with dynamite before I leave.

I like to think of my best moment on the job as quiet victories.

Victories over what? Over the "system", over the various bureaucracies not watching me, over my colleagues' indifference, over my patron's ignorance, over the very concept of horn-blowing pride.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand.’ First single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That’s what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have a feeling that they can’t hide.

Blow job quote Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

26

We weren't doing blow jobs when I was growing up.

Just blow in it and sound bad for about a year and then make it sound a little bit better, and you get a little band together, and then you get a few jobs. You take four guys that sound half bad, but if they're 25 percent each, they can give 100 percent, you know?

And why the hell should you do a really hard, important job that you don't want to do? That has extremely high stakes? That just blows my mind.

Blow job quote Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

It's not that I don't want to hear about that [blow job] stuff, I just want to hear about it immediately. And I want to hear about it on more comfortable terms.

Basically my new litmus test for people is, do they make me hear about a blow job they gave in the first ten minutes of us talking? And if they didn't then I can feel excited.

I think we made out [sexuality changing].

I think that's really great, and we didn't jump into intercourse. And there were no blow jobs.

Blow job quote Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a tan, fall in love, never return.

Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a tan, fall in love, never return.

23

Independent experts have looked at what I've proposed and looked at what Donald's [Trump] proposed, and basically they've said this, that if his tax plan, which would blow up the debt by over $5 trillion and would in some instances disadvantage middle-class families compared to the wealthy, were to go into effect, we would lose 3.5 million jobs and maybe have another recession.

I don't understand why it's more socially acceptable to say that you are a shallow person than to just say this is not something you want to do. Especially because it's a really hard job. It's a really important job. And why the hell should you do a really hard, important job that you don't want to do? That has extremely high stakes? That just blows my mind.

I read the script [ of 'Steve Jobs' movie ], and it was very, very good.

I wasn't sure they would want me to be in the movie, but I auditioned for it. Which I hadn't done in a few years. But I had auditioned in the previous few years for another movie that I did not get the part. And so my track record wasn't good. But I really wanted to audition because I was worried that I was going to blow it, and I wanted it to be on them for choosing me.

Blow job quote No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story.

No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story.

If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."

As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

Blow job quote I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because he will find a

I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because he will find an easy way to do it.

Rock of the ages been a really interesting job.

It's been exhausting. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done because it's just so big, and I haven't had a lot of time. And I'm just kind of blowing through this. And everybody's, like, happy, and giving thumbs up. Most of the actors have said "this is the best role they've ever had." So you know, that's important to me.

I feel like rumors get crazy and people blow up the whole internet with news.

I feel like, once you're doing a job, you shouldn't talk about it.

In the Bengali language, there's not a real word for blow job. They call it "doing the ice cream."

It's easier for Europeans to give money to a movie that says a blow job is what brought down American democracy.

Sexual freedom and liberation has to be of your own making.

I'm stunned when I hear about friends' children, ten or twelve years old giving blow jobs. I just don't like the girls being used or exploited in that way. It's just indiscriminate sexual relating. It's just the isolated things.

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