The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'— Jerry Lewis
Scandalous Dollar Bills quotations
You bet every member of Congress who votes for this bill ought to read it, read it thoroughly, and understand that what we're looking at here amounts to nothing more than a government takeover of our health care economy, paid for with nearly a trillion dollars in new taxes on individuals and small businesses. And it must be opposed.
A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.
The Space Shuttle is the most effective device known to man for destroying dollar bills.
Pyramiding instructions appear on dollar bills.
Add smaller and smaller amounts on the way up. Keep your eye open at the top.
Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars."
All the bullets and all the bombs that explode all over the world won't leave the impact, when all is said and done, of a dollar bill dropped in the Jimmy Fund pot by a warm heart and a willing hand. You should be proud and happy to know that your contribution will someday help some kid to a better life.
The single greatest invention man ever conceived in the dollar bill, because I don't want to know the conversion rate for coconuts.
See where Congress passed a two billion dollar bill to relieve bankers' mistakes. You can always count on us helping those who have lost part of their fortune, but our whole history records nary a case where the loan was for the man who had absolutely nothing. Our theory is to help only those who can get along, even if they don't get a loan.
Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.
Ask Bill [Gates] why the string in [MS-DOS] function 9 is terminated by a dollar sign. Ask him, because he can't answer. Only I know that.
I'd put Hank Williams picture on one hundred dollar bills.
The dollar bill is God in the States.
All those Pelican people just believe in money and nothing else.
When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it?
We all use cash in our everyday life, but we don't use hundred-dollar bills.
We're not using 500-euro notes. And yet these account for mountains of cash out there. I think they're being used in tax evasion and by criminals of all types.
Any woman who has a career and a family automatically develops something in the way of two personalities, like two sides of a dollar bill, each different in design. Her problem is to keep one from draining the life from the other.
The fact that you can forge a twenty dollar bill doesn't prove that all twenty dollar bills are forgeries.
We can enhance democracy by making it in line with its original vision.
Read the dollar bill - E pluribus unum, out of many, one; novus ordo seclorum, a new order of the ages. That's democracy.
It's personal freedom, not hundred dollar bills that lights the soul's cigar.
Just about every year, Congress passes another crime bill - spending billions of dollars to build more prisons, to place more band-aids on society's scars.
I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills.
Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Thirteen thousand dollars a year is not enough to raise a family.
That's not enough to pay your bills and save for their future. That's barely enough to provide for even the most basic needs.
Any gentleman with the slightest chic will give a girl a fifty dollar bill for the powder room.
One thing more dangerous than getting between a grizzly sow and her cub is getting between a businessman and a dollar bill.
The same way a compact disk isn't responsible for what's recorded on it, that's how we are. You're about as free to act as a programmed computer. You're about as one-of-a-kind as a dollar bill.
Social activism has gone mainstream. A new generation of philanthropic leaders such as Bill and Melinda Gates, and Bono are providing inspiration, guidance, and billions of dollars through their global foundations.
I’ve made some mistakes. I had to make a turnaround in my life. This is my new expression to the world and this is my comeback and this is my moment. This is my chance to say, ‘This is what God made of me and I’m still worthy.’ If I was a one hundred dollar bill, and I was all messed up, someone would clean me up and use me. I’m still worth something!
Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree.
It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer.
Through the process of objectification, women have been reduced to dollar bills, tucked away in a man's billfold, and spent at his will.
A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers.
I come fresh from the street, fast on my feet, kind a lean and lazy;
not much meat on my bones, and a whole lot alone, and more than a little bit crazy. The old six string was all I had to keep my belly still, and for each full hour lesson I gave I got a crisp ten dollar bill.