In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.— Phyllis Diller
Irresistibly Drivers License quotations
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due.
And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.
Our current identification system is so disjointed that the World Trade Center terrorists had a total of 63 valid driver's licenses between them.
Among other things, the Real ID Act sets minimum security criteria that states would have to meet to have their driver's licenses accepted as identification to board a commercial flight or enter federal facilities.
Merely presenting a driver's license or other document based on a birth certificate is not enough for an accurate verification. Biometric verification of identity must be made and then a data base of those persons who have legal status must be checked.
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
American youth attributes much more importance to arriving at driver's license age than at voting age.
It should be like a driver's license - no one can have an Instagram until they're 18. It's the wild, wild west, the internet.
Becoming a resident of a state may confer the right to get a driver's license, but it does not and should not confer citizenship.
You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal.
So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.
In 2007, when I was governor of New York, I proposed that our state once again permit undocumented immigrants to obtain a driver's license. To say the proposal lit a firestorm in the political arena is an understatement.
I chose to wait to get my drivers license.
Since I was working and I didn't have time, I got it like a week before my 18th birthday.
I'm very self-conscious having my picture taken, so I clown around.
My driver's license photo looks like a blonde Elvis.
In the end, my pursuit of the elusive New York State driver's license became about much more than a divorced woman's learning to drive for the first time.
Once I got my driver's license everybody treated me like I was an adult.
Before I had a driver's license, and I lived in the suburbs of Minneapolis and went to high school and came home - I could ride my bike around or get a ride from my parents, but my world was pretty small, limited. Like anyone at that age, I only knew things I could get to.
I didn't want to give up my Illinois driver's license and was unaware that was a crime. It is, by the way, in the state of California. Lesson learned. I technically broke a law, so technically I deserve whatever I get.
The former police chief of Houston once said of me: "Frank Abagnale could write a check on toilet paper, drawn on the Confederate States Treasury, sign it 'U.R. Hooked' and cash it at any bank in town, using a Hong Kong driver's license for identification."
Yes, I have a driver's license." I leaned back against the wall, sighing. "Man, that must be so cool." "It ranks right up there with lockers. In fact, sometimes I put my license inside my locker, and it's so cool I worry that the whole thing might explode with the sheer coolness of it all.
Was I involved in selling drivers licenses to people illegally? Hell no I wasn't. Would I have tolerated it? Hell no.
I can't see a problem with imposing fines on drivers who violate traffic safety laws. The speed limit is the speed limit. A red light means stop. These things haven't changed since people got their driver's licenses.
I keep mementos from everything I've done.
I've got my cab driver's license from 'Happiness.' I've got a pair of glasses and a belt buckle from playing John Lennon. I've got a pair of sunglasses from playing Andy Warhol... It's all in a box in the garage.
Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three months. We don't plan it that way. That's just how it works out. It's the weirdest thing. You know what I do? Every time I have sex, the next day I pay my estimated tax. My quarterlies are due. If it's oral sex, I renew my driver's license.
We need to enact a strong standard that will stop a terrorist or illegal alien from getting a driver's license because border security is a major concern in a post-September 11th world.
Don't believe the hype; don't believe what it tells you on your driver's license. You are an extension of the power that created this whole universe.
At its core, I don't view Facebook as a social network.
I think it could become the driver's license of the Internet. And beyond that, it can become the pipes and the plumbing upon what most of the Internet is built. I think it's very well positioned.
We women shouldn't get our driver's licenses till real late in life.
To tell you the truth, I think it's about that we shouldn't get our driver's licenses till real late in life.
And, for example, like, when you're having the conversation with your child about getting their driver's license. Well, a white family - their biggest fear is just that you're driving safely and that they're minding the rules of the road, whereas a black family - their biggest fear is that their child is going to get pulled over and treated unfairly for a reason that they won't understand.
If you're driving more than 50 mph through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 mph, I question whether you should keep your driver's license. You're a menace to society.
I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine.
That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.
If it's OK to register cars and license drivers, why is it not OK to impose similar legal responsibilities on gun owners?
What (the Arizona immigration law) is likely to mean effectively is that if in the course of a traffic stop, a cop asks you for a driver's license, and you don't have one, and he asks you for other identification, and you have none, and he calls ICE and they have no record of you as a legal immigrant, you're in trouble. This is near-fascism?
I did tons of theater in school, and then when I was 16 and got my driver's license, I started driving to Los Angeles, along with my friend Eric Stoltz, who was a year ahead of me and was doing the same thing. So we had the same manager, and we started auditioning for things and doing commercials when we were 16.