A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?— Henny Youngman
Astonishing Drunk Man quotations
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Your pretended fear lest error should step in, is like the man that would keep all the wine out of the country lest men should be drunk. It will be found an unjust and unwise jealousy, to deny a man the liberty he hath by nature upon a supposition that he may abuse it.
That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man's true character, make him drunk.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when, I've been drinking bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose, Need me a triple shot of that juice Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.
Alcohol is perfectly consistent in its effects upon man.
Drunkenness is merely an exaggeration. A foolish man drunk becomes maudlin; a bloody man, vicious; a coarse man, vulgar.
There's only one man really responsible for those events - Yahya Khan.
Both he and his advisers were so drunk with power and corruption they'd even forgotten the honor of the army.
Never trust a man when he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.
What white man has ever seen me drunk? Who has ever come to me hungry and left me unfed? Who has seen me beat my wives or abuse my children? What law have I broken?
I don't say that the drunk man is the real man, and the sober man merely a shell. But you find out something different about people when they're drunk. Of course, you sometimes find that they're not different at all--that you merely get more of the same, perhaps said rather more loudly and incoherently, but basically the same.
There is no place like it, no place with an atom of its glory, pride, and exultancy. It lays its hand upon a man's bowels; he grows drunk with ecstasy; he grows young and full of glory, he feels that he can never die.
I used to drink, I did, I had to quit.
Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.
You cannot prevent a man getting drunk if he wishes to do so, but when he becomes a nuisance, then you interfere.
When irony first makes itself known in a young man's life, it can be like his first experience of getting drunk; he has met with a powerful thing which he does not know how to handle.
The eloquent man is he who is no beautiful speaker, but who is inwardly and desperately drunk with a certain belief.
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
The man that gets drunk is little else than a fool, And is in the habit, no doubt, of advocating for Home Rule; But the best Home Rule for him, as far as I can understand, Is the abolition of strong drink from the land.
One of my life goals is to be a best man.
It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
Not every man remembers the name of the cow which supplied him with each drop of milk he has drunk.
The eloquent man is he who is no eloquent speaker, but who is inwardly drunk with a certain belief.
Nobody can write the life of a man but those who have eat and drunk and lived in social intercourse with him.
A drunk man, staggering and mindless, must be led home by his son, so wet is his psyche... Water brings death to the psyche, as earth brings death to water... The psyche lusts to be wet.
Imagination is like the drunk man who lost his watch and must get drunk again to find it.
Of lunacy, Innumerous were the causes;
humbled pride, Ambition disappointed, riches lost, And bodily disease, and sorrow, oft By man inflicted on his brother man; Sorrow, that, made the reason drunk, and yet Left much untasted. So the cup was fill'd.
Come, for my part I will have only those glorious, manly pleasures of being very drunk, and very slovenly.
The man who gets drunk in peacetime is a coward.
The man who gets drunk in wartime goes on being a coward.
we might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak.
aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. he is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down.
It is at a fair that man can be drunk forever on liquor, love, or fights;
at a fair that your front pocket can be picked by a trotting horse looking for sugar, and your hind pocket by a thief looking for his fortune.
Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions.
I retired at twenty-nine, bought a life-time pass on American Airlines and my only goal in life was to party like a mad man and get drunk with as many people as possible. And I was happy right there. But when we started the streaming business, I knew it could be something big.