Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
— Don Rickles

Facts are ventriloquist's dummies. Sitting on a wise man's knee they may be made to utter words of wisdom; elsewhere, they say nothing, or talk nonsense.
Aldous Huxley dummy quote

One fine day in the middle of the nightTwo dead boys got up to fightBack to back they faced each otherDrew their swords and shot each otherOne was blind and the other couldn't seeSo they chose a dummy for a referee.A blind man went to see fair playA dumb man went to shout hooray!A paralysed donkey passing byKicked the blind man in the eyeKnocked him through a nine inch wallInto a dry ditch and drowned them allA deaf policeman heard the noiseAnd came to arrest the two dead boysIf you don't believe this story
— Anonymous

We're not leaving here without Buster, man. Leave no crash-test dummy behind!
— Adam Savage

It's true, you can never eat a pet you name. And anyway, it would be like a ventriloquist eating his dummy.
— dummy quotation by Alexander Theroux