quote by Anthony Jeselnik

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Sentimental First Date quotations

First date quote The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself.

The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself.

Dating a new man is like holding a strawberry milkshake; first the taste, then the pleasure.

Platonic friendship-the interval between the introduction and the first kiss.

First date quote You have to be odd to be number one.

You have to be odd to be number one.

Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.

Many divorced or widowed people do with their singleness what they should have done before they married for the first time: live alone, find their own rhythms, date a variety of people, go into therapy, develop new friends and interests, learn how to live with and care for themselves.

For our first date, I made Ryan Hamburger Helper, which is basically what I grew up on. I make my own version of it now, with macaroni and cheese and hamburger meat. And the kids - it's their favorite dinner.

First date quote Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.

The first organised opposition by women to women's suffrage in England dates from 1889, when a number of ladies led by Mrs Ward appealed against the proposed extension of the Parliamentary suffrage to women.

I've never really been on a date, because I've been with the same girl since my early twenties, but on our first date, I showed her The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I was like, "Hey, you've got to see this!" And we've been together ever since.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

First date quote First think, second believe, third dream and finally dare.

First think, second believe, third dream and finally dare.

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference.

It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam.

You don't want to seem too eager, too romantic - otherwise, it just looks a bit try-hard. But I do think that a first date should be intimate. So I'd choose a nice dinner somewhere cozy, not too crowded, with good wine.

If you took me to Coachella for our first date, it would probably be a done deal. It would be a sure thing.

First date quote If you want to be good at something, you must first be willing to be bad at it.

If you want to be good at something, you must first be willing to be bad at it.

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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

My first date has been...mythologized as 'Bieber's Dating Disaster.' I took her to a buffet restaurant. Yes, I wore a white shirt. Yes, I got spaghetti.

Now anyone who has ever been on a blind date is well familiar with “The Moment”—that moment where you first walk into the bar or restaurant or coffee shop and scan the crowd and suddenly your heart stops and you say to yourself: oh, please—let it be him.

First date quote Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

My first interview at SI, I sat in silence next to Guy LaFleur for five minutes on the New York Rangers team bus until he finally broke the ice. Those early interviews, every one of them was like a terrible first date.

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.

First date quote Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you test first and the lesso

Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you test first and the lesson afterward.

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

English suspenders not American. Could you imagine? Just a pair of knickers and some suspenders. I don't know. How would you wear that? I think this is kind of a cute first date look. A mini sixties Ossie Clark inspired mini dress with a pair on your trotters.

My mom gave me a good piece of advice.

She said never marry a man thinking you can change him, and I think that starts from your first date when you're in the seventh grade onwards. Women are fixers so we have to just not fix. Don't fix.

First date quote To get what you love, you must first be patient with what you hate.

To get what you love, you must first be patient with what you hate.

I don't know the first real thing about the dating game.

I don't know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.

First you date the songs, and then you get engaged and then you marry them.

They have to stand the test of time, because they are going to be yours for the next 20, 30, 40 years. So you had better choose right.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

First date quote Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.

Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.

The goal of a marketing interaction isn't to close the sale, any more than the goal of a first date is to get married. No, the opportunity is to move forward, to earn attention and trust and curiosity and conversation.

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side.

Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

My stepdad is Bruce Jenner, the Olympian.

The first time he came over was like a blind date, and we had show and tell. He took out the gold medal for me and my sisters, and we were like, 'So? Who the hell are you?'

First date quote To change your body you must first change your mind.

To change your body you must first change your mind.

I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men.

When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell.

If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

The beginnings of the hacker culture as we know it today can be conveniently dated to 1961, the year MIT acquired the first PDP-1.

First date quote At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable.

At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Different portions of the brain all look for information (sexual, intuitive, practical), through modes so torturous, a first date can feel like a cross between having a pelvic examination while applying for a small business loan. First dates should require anesthesia, and in some states they do.

If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

The best thing about being cheated on is I get to go on more first dates.

There is no golden rule of dating, except to make sure that it engages both of you; too many people go to a cinema for a first date and of course don't say a word, that's a bad thing!

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