quote by Matt Groening

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

— Matt Groening

Remarkable Funniest Simpsons quotations

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn.

It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces.

..I just know they're about to jab me with something.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women.

You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Homer no function beer well without.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Art is what separates us from the animals.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, and I call him Gamblor!

This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow

You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Good things don't end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria.

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I just grew up with it [The Simpsons].

The first season came on when I was 5, 6 years old, and the show evolved as I was growing up and got funnier and funnier and, by the time I was in 12th grade, they were at their funniest.

famous quotes