If you believe in Odin and Thor, people laugh themselves to death. While it's okay to believe in a man who turned water into wine, and walked on water— Mads Mikkelsen
Helpful Funny Atheist quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
A person isn't considered insane if there are a number of people who believe the same way. Insanity isn't supposed to be a communicable disease. If one other person starts to believe him, or maybe two or three, then it's a religion.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
The most heinous and the most cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day;
teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
The existence of God is not subjective.
He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.
In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. We're only one God away from total agreement.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.
No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Trust me, You can dance.
The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.
There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust".
It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
George Bush says he speaks to god every day, & Christians love him for it.
If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd.
In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
Those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason: The Morning Daylight appears plainer when you put out your Candle.
If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job.
When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic.
I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.