Funny Boss Quotes

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.

I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work.

And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time.

In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.

The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

Most people like hard work, particularly when they're paying for it.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions;

go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.

Rappers on their sophomores...actin' like they boss lords. Fame's such a funny thing for sure when niggas start believing all those encores.

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

I had no intention of becoming a comedian.

I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer's always the same, to me, they're not mutually exclusive.

My boss at Christmas was a lot of fun: "I want you to look in your pay envelopes and you'll know that I keep the Christmas spirit around here. Because in each and every envelope you'll find ... snow."

If I didn't have my parents to think about I'd have given in my notice a long time ago, I'd have gone up to the boss and told him just what I think, tell him everything I would, let him know just what I feel. He'd fall right off his desk! And it's a funny sort of business to be sitting up there at your desk, talking down at your subordinates from up there, especially when you have to go right up close because the boss is hard of hearing.

When you do comedy, the audience is not your boss.

They are your collaborators and when you collaborate with someone you don't have to listen to everything they think or say. Sometimes you're not getting the laughs you want or at the place you want but that doesn't mean it's not funny. It means you haven't explored it enough. I'll get laughs in the places I don't want them and that makes me realize the direction I want to go in.

This may sound funny, but as much as the 'Today' show matured me, it also was something of a cocoon. I'd been happy there. I never went into the boss's office and pounded my fist on the desk, saying, 'Give me more money! Give me a prime-time show!'

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.