Funny Boyfriend Quotes

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

For a long time, I refused to wear jeans.

I liked high-waisted pants, but jeans made me feel like I wasn't being unique. Even now, I won't wear the skinny-jeans style, because most people wear those - they have to be baggier, boyfriend-looking, or sort of like a mom jean. I'm real funny that way.

I'm all alone. There has been no man in my life for several months now and although it would be nice to have a boyfriend, I can't just settle for anybody. The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six.

Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

There are three cardinal rules - don't take somebody else's boyfriend unless you've been specifically invited to do so, don't take a drink without being asked, and keep a scrupulous accounting in financial matters.

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend.

Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys-Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer.

I'm not an easy person to love. There are lots of times when I'm a very good boyfriend, but there are times when I'm useless. I mean, I'm a mess around the house. I talk nonstop. I become obsessed with things.

And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.

Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever you want to.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

I used to love slapping people in the face when I was drunk.

I thought it was really funny, so I did a lot of that. I'd pick fights with doormen and bouncers and stuff a lot. Ex-boyfriends. But nobody ever punched me back, so I don't know if that counts as a physical fight.

I can't pass a puppy, a kid or a baby without stopping.

It's really annoying to every boyfriend I've ever head. My mother will roll her eyes and go, "God, really?!" But, I find children funny and great, and I love them.

It's so funny, because when I was growing up in a small town in New Hampshire, I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio - from the 'Growing Pains'/'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' era, because he was superhot - and I carried a laminated photo of him in my wallet and said he was my boyfriend. But no one believed me.

How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?

When I met Johnny, I was pure virgin.

He changed that. He was my first everything. My first real kiss. My first real boyfriend. My first fiancé. The first guy I had sex with. So he'll always be in my heart. Forever. Kind of funny that word.

...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.

My feeling is, if a dog is that hard up to break free, let it go.

It's like a boyfriend who wants to break up. We all know the old adage "If you set someone free, and he never comes back, then he was never yours." I understand the main fear with setting dogs loose is they could get hit by a car, but so could an ex boyfriend. That's just a chance you have to take.