A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.— Albert Einstein
Contentment Funny Bumper Sticker quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most [borrowed from Mark Twain]
I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Aging is for people who don't know any better.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
Trust me, You can dance.
Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.
Don't take life too seriously.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't somebody watching.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
Don't steal - the government hates competition!
God created whammy bars for people who don't know how to solo.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong
I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.
If you don't like the news go out and make some of your own.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.