quote by Steven Wright

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

— Steven Wright

Astounding Funny But True quotations

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone.


Funny but true quote A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decis
A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Funny but true quote You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that
You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic. If words control your that means everyone can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.

A Brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a Brother.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.

But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.


Funny but true quote To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

India is not, as people keep calling it, an underdeveloped country, but rather, in the context of its history and cultural heritage, a highly developed one in an advanced state of decay.

When a hunter is in a tree stand with high moral values and with the proper hunting ethics and richer for the experience, that hunter is 20 feet closer to God.

Funny but true quote Two things you will never have to chase: true friends and true love.
Two things you will never have to chase: true friends and true love.

The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it.

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.


Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

Funny but true quote Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.

One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

It may be true that artists adopt a flamboyant appearance, but it's also true that people who look funny get stuck with the arts.

Funny but true quote Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.

John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!


Would you consider a man or a woman to be complicated? Is it that difficult to understand both the sexes? We say that we know what the other sex is all about, but is that really true? Perhaps the following witty, funny quotes and sayings can help simplify things down about men.

Until a character becomes a personality it cannot be believed.

Without personality, the character may do funny or interesting things, but unless people are able to identify themselves with the character, its actions will seem unreal. And without personality, a story cannot ring true to the audience.

Funny but true quote I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
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I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.

It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness.

He who thanks but with the lips. Thanks but in part; the full, the true Thanksgiving. Comes from the heart.


Funny but true quote Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and
Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.

The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.

Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union

In the fashion industry, everything goes retro except the prices.

Funny but true quote Kindness is not a business. True kindness expects nothing in return and should n
Kindness is not a business. True kindness expects nothing in return and should never act with conditions.

Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down. . . .The writing is superb.

True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes, and I won't say no - but I'm giving you a definite maybe.


I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.

Funny but true quote True love has a habit of coming back.
True love has a habit of coming back.
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I am not sure if women are attracted to genius.

Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.

I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office.

It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had.

Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.

Funny but true quote True friendship isn't about being inseparable, it's being separated
True friendship isn't about being inseparable, it's being separated

I've tried many different types of alarm apps, but the tried and true is the iPhone alarm. I like it because you can label your alarms. For my personal amusement, I've labeled them 3 a.m. for 'ridiculously early,' 3:30 is just 'early,' and 4 is 'slacker.'


I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be?

Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up and she is just so funny and cool and honest and slightly mad and she's all that matters. She is 100% true. She puts on no shows, because she is so comfortable with herself.

Every project you're involved in and any character that you're invested in .

.. you learn a message from that experience. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but it's true. Its kind of funny the parallel that I drew from that, you kind of learn something and you get to apply it to the next thing.