One day ladies will take their computers for walks in the park and tell each other, "My little computer said such a funny thing this morning".
— Alan Turing
Proven Funny Computer quotations
The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
Most of the good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but because it is fun to program.
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Java is C++ without the guns, clubs and knives.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot;
C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place.
Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.
It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.
Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
You can't do better design with a computer, but you can speed up your work enormously.
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand.
Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer.
There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good;
and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
People notice peacemakers because they dress funny.
We know how the people who make war dress - in uniforms and medals, or in computers and clipboards, or in absoluteness, severity, greed, and cynicism. But the peacemaker is dressed in righteousness, justice, and faithfulness - dressed for the work that is to be done.
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.
Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.
Good code is its own best documentation.
As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.
If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100 and get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren't there.
If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
My little computer said such a funny thing this morning.
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do
Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man;
he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.
When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
Know what you're talking about.
Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity I do not understand it myself any more.
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
No human investigation can be called real science if it cannot be demonstrated mathematically.