quote by Demetri Martin

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

— Demetri Martin

Most Powerful Funny Depression quotations

Funny depression quote To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Funny depression quote Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

Funny depression quote Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

Funny depression quote Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others.

Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others.

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

Funny depression quote If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are li

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

Success and failure are both difficult to endure.

Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.

During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.

You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.

Funny depression quote I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.

I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.

40

aven, I have given up smoking again!.

.. God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared.

Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.

There was all this loneliness in my cartoons and people would say, "Gee, these characters are so lonely, disconnected, depressed." And I'd say, 'Yeah well, that's not me. I'm just interested in that because I think it makes a funny drawing.' But later I understood it was me in many respects; my hand was doing it ahead of the head's understanding.

Funny depression quote If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are liv

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don't realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side.

I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.

That's where depression hits you most - your home life.

It doesn't affect your work. I can't do this zany, wacky, funny thing any more. I haven't been like that for a long time.

Funny depression quote Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

The Islam of the 18th, 19th and first half of the 20th century was a poor thing.

Nobody bothered about it. Islam was that funny sort of pure system of beliefs that depressed people in the Middle East held as their religion.

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom.

Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.

Funny depression quote Trust me, You can dance.

Trust me, You can dance.

23

PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.

You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person.

Funny depression quote I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits.

Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.

I think comedy allows people to accept the more difficult parts of history.

And history, if it's presented wrong, is just very depressing, particularly the history of slavery. If slavery is presented properly, it's a great story. But I think that within the commercial world of storytelling in which I live, there haven't been many strong works that discuss slavery in ways that are palatable and funny and interesting to the reader.

Funny depression quote Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Some comedians you work with, they only turn on when the camera turn on, and they're like sad-faced clowns when the camera's off. And then, they come alive when the camera come on. And you be like, "Oh, damn. You're not a depressed ball of depression, but you are actually funny."

Every movie I do, I always use things that have happened in my life.

Funny moments, anything. If it just sticks out I'll write it down and use that, too, because it has to come out of you. But no one can work when they're depressed. I don't think I'd physically be able to do it if I were depressed.

I'm not saying that I made a film to make young people feel great, not such a simple message, but I really felt that I will not go back to do something depressing. I had to make something happy and funny, and show that there are always many ways to continue - even when you're feeling ugly, or you are forgotten by your parents.

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

It's funny because being comedic and happy and lighthearted is who I am as a person, so they're easier emotions for me to connect with. The challenge is accessing pain, angst, depression. . . It's more exciting because it gives me somewhere to go and allows me to tap into a part of myself that everyone can relate to.

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