Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"— Anthony Griffin
Cheerful Funny Dog quotations
The lion doesn't turn around when the small dog barks.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend.
Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.
A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
Bulldogs have been known to fall on their swords when confronted by my superior tenacity.
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.
Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk swiftly like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog
You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.
The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.
A dog is not almost-human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to.
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs.
I have caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs.
It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one
To a dog, motoring isn't just a way of getting from here to there, it's also a thrill and an adventure. The mere jingle of car keys is enough to send most any dog into a whimpering, tail-wagging frenzy.
Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail.
Trust me, You can dance.
My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!
With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t, either.
Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still far away.
In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.
The good Lord in his ultimate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable: hope, jokes, and dogs, but the greatest of these was dogs.
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.
Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.
You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.