Funny Drinking Quotes Page 2

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags.

Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

The older I get, the better I was.

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea.

Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation.

So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

For a quart of ale is a dish for a king.

Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!

I sometimes think, would I drink the milk from the breast of a woman I don't know? No. So I think, why would I drink it from a cow?

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

Nothing ever tasted better than a cold beer on a beautiful afternoon with nothing to look forward to than more of the same.

Wine is sunlight, held together by water.

I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

The biggest lesson I've learned . . . was that if you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you ought never to complain about anything.

Wine ... offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than possibly any other purely sensory thing which may be purchased.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.

I could dance with you until the cows come home.

On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam;

I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most.

Life is too short to drink bad wine.

Given enough coffee I could rule the world

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache.

I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.