Funny Girlfriend Quotes

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it's a disservice to men.

If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

It's important for me to treat a girlfriend with respect.

My mum would be horrified if I behaved any differently - and I have sisters, and would hate for them to be treated badly by guys.

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion.

Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!

The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim.

She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

When you're a teenager, you want to meet a lot of girls - you want to get the most girls. You don't know anything about respect; you don't know anything about being faithful and loyal to your girlfriend.

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today.

Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

It's funny, my girlfriends think that because I am married to a fashion designer, I get all these great tips and hints about great fashion, but it's not like that at all. He never tells me what to wear.

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually.

My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

When I turned 18, I skipped my party to take my girlfriend on a road trip.

It turned out to be an amazing birthday.

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

My girlfriend and I never let each other forget how much we love each other.

It's all about reminding the other person how important and special she is to you.

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.

All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids.

'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.