I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you.— Seve Ballesteros
Provocative Funny Golfing quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
Luck is predictable; the harder you work, the luckier you get.
It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.
I never learned anything from a match that I won.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
I'd like to see the fairways more narrow.
Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.
The most important shot in golf is the next one.
The older I get, the better I used to be.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
The woods are full of long drivers.
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
Trust me, You can dance.
Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them.
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer.
That's the distance my left ear is from my right.
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.
The older I get, the better I was.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Golf's a funny game. You can be playing poorly and then go and win a tournament.
The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.
I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments.
Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
My handicap? Woods and irons.
Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.
Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"
Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.