Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!— Greg Giraldo
Lavish Funny Grandmother quotations
My old grandmother always used to say, Summer friends will melt away like summer snows, but winter friends are friends forever.
An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.
My grandchild has taught me what true love means.
It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.
On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.
As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother.
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.
My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world.
And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.
My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus.
The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.
Varicose veins are the result of an improper selection of grandparents.
It's funny about love', Sophia said. 'The more you love someone, the less he likes you back.' 'That's very true,' Grandmother observed. 'And so what do you do?' 'You go on loving,' said Sophia threateningly. 'You love harder and harder.
Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.
Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.
Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.
I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense.
You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.
I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids.
It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left.
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.
I would love to go back and travel the road not taken, if I knew at the end of it I'd find the same set of grandkids.
To become a grandparent is to enjoy one of the few pleasures in life for which the consequences have already been paid.
My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.
I remembered a time when my grandmother had asked me to explain television to her - the guts, not the funny pictures. There are things which cannot be taught in ten easy lessons, nor popularized for the masses; they take years of skull sweat. This be treason in an age when ignorance has come into its own and one man's opinion is as good as another's. But there it is. As Star says, the world is what it is - and doesn't forgive ignorance.
It's funny because the most sane women I've ever met are my mom and my grandmothers. I think you have to be incredibly sane and self-aware to function in relatively insane environments.
I always was a funny guy, the class clown.
I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother.
My grandmother thinks it's really funny to put all sorts of things in our - my lunch. I never know what'll be inside: e.e. cummings, flower petals, a handful of buttons. She seems to have lost sight of the original purpose of the brown bag." - Lennie "Or maybe she thinks other forms of nourishment are more important." - Joe