I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.— Lewis Grizzard
Unconventional Funny Husband And Wife quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said;
after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion.
Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion's joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion
It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel - they get to know each other better.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
If we must lose wife or husband when we live to our highest right, we lose an unhappy marriage as well, and we gain ourselves. But if a marriage is born between two already self-discovered, what a lovely adventure begins, hurricanes and all.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat Over everything debatable and combatable Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life Particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Trust me, You can dance.
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling.
I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
What's for dinner is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.
Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness.
That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual.
My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.
That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger-not to be interfered with by speech or action which would distract the sensations from the fresh enjoyment of repose.
We're all consumers. The consumer is not a moron; she is your wife.
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.