This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.— Sigmund Freud
Useful Funny Irish quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees.
Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.
When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt.
Trust me, You can dance.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
What's the use of being Irish if you can't be thick?
I think that travel comes from some deep urge to see the world, like the urge that brings up a worm in an Irish bog to see the moon when it is full.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"
St. Patrick... one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver.
I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Best while you have it use your breath, There is no drinking after death.
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad.
Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong
Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day.
The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny.
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart?
You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
I think Irish women are strong as horses, incredibly loyal and for the most part, funny, witty, bright and optimistic in the face of devastating reality.
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.