Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.— Albert Einstein
Surprising Funny Marriage quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
Come grow old with me. The best is yet to be.
A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say.
Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you;
after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
When people tell me they've learned from experience, I tell them the trick is to learn from other people's experience.
A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.
Trust me, You can dance.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife !
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.
Love conquers all things.
We simply can't abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.
God speaks with authority on every subject including marriage and His advice trumps Oprah's every time.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
I was married once--in San Francisco.
I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.
Marriage is like a hot bath; once you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.
Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.