Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
— Steven Wright
Beautiful Funny Monday quotations
I guess good things come to those who wait.
All good things come to those who wait.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
On Monday, when the sun is hot, I wonder to myself a lot.
Now is it true, or is it not, that what is which and which is what?
Monday is the day of silence, day of the whole white mung bean, which is sacred to the moon.
The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.
Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble.
You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."
I refuse, whenever possible, to do shows on a Monday.
I don't do gigs on a Monday, because nobody laughs on Mondays. Everybody wants Monday to be over. I just won't do 'em. But the rest of the time, in all honesty, it doesn't matter where you are: if something's funny, people laugh.
This person called up and said, You've got to come and take this seminar.
It will completely change your life in just one weekend. And I said, Well, I don't want to completely change my life this weekend. I've got a lot of things to do on Monday.
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids.
Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'
