By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
— Charles Wadsworth
Cheering Funny Parent quotations
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers, and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one mother in the whole world.
Where are all the sour patch parents?
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
I got a lot of support from my parents.
That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.
I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.
Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers.
Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.
Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.
The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have.
.. because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time.
When you take the time to actually listen, with humility, to what people have to say, it's amazing what you can learn. Especially if the people who are doing the talking also happen to be children.
If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding... and snatch an opportunity to shape character.
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways.
The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind.
Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.
It's funny, when you start talking about primitive scenes, so many people have seen their parents having sex.
I have 4 kids already, I don’t need anymore.
I’m a single parent. I’m taking them through Europe and make them play funny instruments.
Simply having children does not make mothers.
Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.
When you say you're a padre, people ask when did you become a parent.
When you say you're a cardinal, they tell you to work hard because the next step is pope. But when you say you're a Dodger, everybody knows you're in the Major Leagues.
And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish.
Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting - they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.
I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.