Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.— Oscar Wilde
Promising Funny Religious quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis.
I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.
Christ has not only spoken to us by his life but has also spoken for us by his death.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
'Twas Easter-Sunday. The full-blossomed trees Filled all the air with fragrance and with joy.
Nothing happens by accident. God is preparing you for great things.
It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious, but when he talks to you, you're a psychopath.
The most heinous and the most cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.
Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
The only church that illuminates is a burning church.
Christmas is the day that holds all time together.
Don't let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.
Religious wars are basically people killing each other over who has the better imaginary friend.
Qualifications of a pastor: the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child, and the hide of a rhinoceros
The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.
The church is like manure. Pile it up, and it stinks up the neighborhood. Spread it out, and it enriches the world.
Trust me, You can dance.
For I remember it is Easter morn, And life and love and peace are all new born.
To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin".
Well pleaseth me the sweet time of Easter. That maketh the leaf and the flower come out.
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances.
But from this earth, this grave, this dust, My God shall raise me up, I trust.
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.
Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Earth's saddest day and gladdest day were just three days apart!
That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Great little One! whose all-embracing birth Lifts Earth to Heaven, stoops Heaven to Earth.
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith.
It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me its a form of sacrament.
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.
The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.
Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile.
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food.
Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.