Messi scores a goal and celebrates. Cristiano scores a goal and poses like he's in a shampoo commercial.— Diego Maradona
Empowering Funny Soccer quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
If you're in the penalty area and don't know what to do with the ball, put it in the net and we'll discuss the options later.
In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves.
Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.
Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes, and in the end Germany always wins.
Pele called me the greatest footballer in the world. That is the ultimate salute to my life.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
I have two speeds. Fast and faster. I don't just run. I take it.
If I ever wear a Chelsea shirt, you have permission to kill me.
We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Well we got nine and you can't score more than that
That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.
Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win
Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you're 80-20 sure of winning it.
I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.
Trust me, You can dance.
Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.
I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier.
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
I don't know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.
What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.
He had an eternity to play that ball... but he took too long over it.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I like Balotelli: he's even crazier than me. He can score a winner, then set fire to the hotel.
I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.
You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
That lad must have been born offside.
I've had 14 bookings this season-eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable.
I'm sure sex wouldn't be so rewarding as this World Cup.
It's not that sex isn't good but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not.
Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong
Well, Clive, it's all about the two Ms - movement and positioning.
The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23!
If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than England manager Sven Goran Eriksson.
I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.
It is a cup final and the one who wins it goes through
The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it.
If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.
The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.