I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.— Anthony Jeselnik
Astounding Funny Story quotations
There comes a point in your life when you need to stop reading other people's book and write your own.
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you.
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
You have the power to say - This is not how my story will end.
Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.
Whoever tells the best story wins.
There's a story everywhere. Being bored to death someplace is basically a funny proposition. What you have to watch out for is you don't write a boring story about a boring place.
Behind every girl's favorite song there is an untold story.
I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.
I wish I had a funny story.
I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world.
One bad chapter does not mean your story is over.
I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves.
The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican.
Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that… Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world. And we laugh, we laugh, with a will, in the beginning. But it's always the same thing. Yes, it's like the funny story we have heard too often, we still find it funny, but we don't laugh any more.
Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.
Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.
I'm a sucker for gag reels and teaser trailers for new seasons.
One of the great parts of panels, especially on a show like 'Supernatural,' which can be so dark, it's fun to get up there and laugh and remember we're only telling a story. Seeing Eric Kripke and Ben Edlund up there being so funny always makes me laugh.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
This is a funny story. We'd asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they'd come in with their cups of coffee and stuff. And so I get here and I have a spot for a cappuccino machine, and it didn't work. So I don't have any cappuccino ... I didn't miss the cappuccino, I missed the idea of cappuccino.
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
I'm interested in stories which insist on a dog fails-to-eat-dog kind of world.
I hate misanthropy, want to believe that there's a possibility that we might all be redeemed, that hope deferred makes the soul sick, that our humanity is fragile, funny, common, crazy, full of the longing for love, the failure of love.
I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception.
I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
Know what you're talking about.
From what my friends tell me, apparently some guys can be pretty intimidated by me when they find out what I do. I find it funny because I try to be modest and I don't like to talk about gymnastics unless I am asked about it. But my roommates always take on my bragging rights and tell my life story to the guys we meet, which leaves me blushing.
Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven't you already lost?
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
I had someone at the Houston police station shoot me with heroin so I could do a story about it. The experience was a special kind of hell. I came out understanding full well how one could be addicted to 'smack,' and quickly.
Until a character becomes a personality it cannot be believed.
Without personality, the character may do funny or interesting things, but unless people are able to identify themselves with the character, its actions will seem unreal. And without personality, a story cannot ring true to the audience.
Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.
Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.
Very few writers understand the complex history and maddening social order of the Mississippi Delta. For Steve Yarbrough, though, it's home turf. He is wickedly observant, funny, cynical, evocative, and he possesses a gift that cannot be taught: he can tell a story.
A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."
Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.
You Can, end of story !
There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, .
.. I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.
Jennifer Fulwiler's story of finding God when you aren't looking for Him is a universal tale which will touch many hearts. With warmth and unflinching candor she leads us through a personal journey of faith and maturity that is as funny as it is affecting.
I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving.
I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves.
Your past is just a story, and once you realise this, It has not power over you.
You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.
Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger.
But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.
So you want to hear a story? Well, I used to know a whole lot of pretty interesting ones. Some of them so funny you'd laugh yourself unconscious, others so terrible you'd never want to repeat them. But I can't remember any of those. So I'll just tell you about the time I found that lost thing.
I feel for Veronica Mars so much when I'm watching at home.
It is a wonderful story. The writing is consistently funny, biting, charming, heart-wrenching, etc. I also like the look of it. The cinematography - different from any other show.
Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.