Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.— Albert Einstein
Captivate Funny Women quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
The best accessory for a woman - handsome man!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
A businessman cannot force you to buy his product;
if he makes a mistake, he suffers the consequences; if he fails, he takes the loss. If bureaucrat makes a mistake, you suffer the consequences; if he fails, he passes the loss on to you.
The men liked to put me down as the best woman painter. I think I'm one of the best painters.
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words.
The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
Trust me, You can dance.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'for a man you're kind of ignorant'.
I'm usually good about my temper, but all these men trying to control women's bodies are really beginning to piss me off.
Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
The data is clear: If you give a woman an opportunity, she will make a huge difference.
Girls compete with each other. Women empower one another.
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.
I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
I'd much rather be a woman than a man.
Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.
There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who's Mary Astor? Get me Mary Astor. Get me a Mary Astor type. Get me a young Mary Astor. Who's Mary Astor?
There aren't any hard women, only soft men.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
We have to free the half of the human race, the women, so that they can help to free the other half.
Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.
Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
When men lose against me, they always have a headache .
.. or things of that kind. I have never beaten a completely healthy man!