A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?— Henny Youngman
Vibrant Getting Drunk quotations
Getting knocked down in life is a given. Getting up and moving forward is a choice.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.
I hope to arrive to my death, late, in love and a little drunk.
A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
You can never have too much sky . You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky, and sky can keep you safe when you are sad. Here there is too much sadness and not enough sky. Butterflies too are few and so are flowers and most things that are beautiful. Still, we take what we can get and make the best of it.
Make today so awesome, yesterday gets jealous.
By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, "What did I do wrong?" What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.
One should always be drunk. That's all that matters...But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.
I think getting drunk is the key to flying comfortably.
A couple of bloody marys or several glasses of champagne, and suddenly it's like you're on a roller coaster.
Analyze your mistakes. You've already paid the tuition, you might as well get the lesson.
Don't you hate people who drink white wine? I mean, my dear, every alcoholic in town is getting falling-down drunk on white wine. They think they aren't drunks because they only drink wine. Never, never trust anyone who asks for white wine. It means they're phonies.
I've been drinking tequila for a long time now, and it's never been about drinking to get drunk. I don't do that. I never drink tequila during the day, and I don't drive at night.
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.
Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.
Sometimes if you get 'em too drunk they don't pay no attention to what you're doin' anyways, so you might as well just do old songs. But if you get one that's paying attention, sometimes we'll do some new material.
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea.
Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
I was having a good time before, but you grow up after a couple years and realize, "I can't get drunk like this every night." Things change.
Heterosexuals get drunk and pregnant, producing unwanted children;
their reward is to be allowed to marry. Homosexual couples do not produce unwanted children; their reward is to be denied the right to marry. Go figure.
You must tell yourself "No matter how hard it is, or how hard it gets, I'm going to make it".
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
I never went out in the morning with the intention of getting drunk. It just happened.
Some people feel the rain. Other just get wet.
Love, with very young people, is a heartless business.
We drink at that age from thirst, or to get drunk; it is only later in life that we occupy ourselves with the individuality of our wine.
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk.
I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.
If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.
Clubs are so lame. Nobody even dances at these clubs. They stand around and get drunk and they schmooze. There is no enjoyment factor.
I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, "I am a bulemic".
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
If you love deeply, you're going to get hurt badly. But it's still worth it.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
Of course we got drunk!" Semyon said.
"It's okay to get drunk, Anton. If you need to real bad. Only you have to get drunk on vodka. Cognac and wine—that's all for the heart." "So what's vodka for?" "For the soul. If it's hurting real bad
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when, I've been drinking bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose, Need me a triple shot of that juice Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.
The smarter you get, the less you speak.
Let's go and get drunk on light again - it has the power to console.
There was a euphoria in the music and the way it was delivered, and, as the crowds started to get bigger, it fed off itself until it became less about the band and more about being with all those people, jumping up and down, drunk to the music.
Getting drunk . . . you're in complete control up to a point. It's your choice, every time you take a sip. You have a lot of small choices. It's like . . . I guess it's the difference between suicide and slow capitulation . . .
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
If a woman earned a dollar by scrubbing, her husband had a right to take the dollar and go and get drunk with it and beat her afterwards. It was his dollar.